Dating Potential versus Character: A Disappointing Game
Potential is what you want the person your dating to be, while their character defines their true being.
In doing some homework, and taking an introspective look at dating patterns, Single Girl has discovered why so many men she meets, and agrees to date (even exclusively), ultimately end up a huge disappointment. Is it really all the fella’s fault? Well, not exactly…
While it is easy to fault the fella for a failed relationship, or an attempt of a relationship, we all play a part in that relationship’s failure. We have a knack of filling in the blanks of a relationship that has just started with a person. Filling in the blanks means inserting details of a person whereby those details have yet to be learned. In our minds, we have a way of imagining what that relationship will be and how it will play out before we know the reality of the situation at hand.
We start dating potential.
Women and men alike must curb their enthusiasm in this area and focus on their prospective partner’s character. Who is this person? How do they treat you? Are they kind to you, to others, to their family, to their friends? Do they make you a priority when needed? Do they invest as much in the relationship as you? The answers to these questions (among other things) will define a person’s character.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, everyone is on their best behavior and all in an effort to impress one another. Being on one’s best behavior is akin to putting on your Sunday best. You want to show the church goers your absolute best, right? However, over time, one’s true self starts peaking through and before you know it, the façade has melted away. Single Girl has seen this scenario play out, sadly, multiple times in her love life. She meets a fella, he puts on his best clothes, cologne, smiles, is charming and funny, engaging, and attentive. A couple or few months go by and his original demeanor begins to change; the façade starts to crack. He no longer shows up early for dates, but instead starts showing up late. He doesn’t communicate as often as he did. He doesn’t bother to put on cologne, heck we’re lucky if he showers. He is withdrawn, no longer invested, even resentful for the time he must pay attention to the relationship leaving Single Girl to question:
Where is the “potential” guy? We liked the “potential” guy!
Single Girl then realizes that she is witnessing the real character of the guy she has been dating. Like so many women, Single Girl dismisses this behavior and excuses it way – “he is stressed out at work” or “he is just tired” or “he’s just joking, I just need to better understand his sense of humor.” When in her gut she knew exactly what was happening. He was no longer interested in investing; he no longer valued her or had value for developing a relationship with her. Harsh! This is a very painful pill to swallow.
Listen to your intuition!
You see…the thing is, Single Girl’s intuition told her this was going to happen. Her intuition specifically told her to run the other way from the very beginning. Rather than listening, she proceeded to move forward, holding onto the misguided hope that the “potential” she saw in the beginning was the root of this fella’s character. So, after a few months when the guy could no longer play the charade, it all fell apart leaving Single Girl heartbroken. A heart break Single Girl could have avoided altogether if she just listened to her gut.
Lessons Learned.
We all have our own takeaways from experiences like these. Such experiences are not for naught but a lesson we can apply in the future. Single Girl’s lessons learned from dating potential versus character are as follows:
Character is King! Pay attention to a person’s character, it comes out early in the game. Don’t fill in the blanks with your imagination or the potential the relationship could be. Look at how the relationship really is and decide from there.
Potential is misleading and can cause us to dismiss poor behavior. Rather than dismiss poor behavior, address it in the moment. If the person is receptive, they will adjust and correct. While sometimes one can slip up and make a mistake, even the same mistake, if those mistakes consistently and regularly happens, that is a problem. Such a problem will likely not self-remedy by staying in the relationship.
Be true to yourself. At the end of the day, we and only we are in control of our own happiness. If we are involved with someone who makes us consistently unhappy, then we have the choice to make a change. Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship. Single Girl would much prefer to be alone versus being in an unhappy relationship. So, she has learned to cut ties (after a reasonable effort is made) and move on.
Have faith that God has someone for you. Believe it because He does. God does not mess around in the affairs of the heart. Rather, the right person will come into play when God knows we are ready to receive that person, not when we think we are ready. Have faith, pray often, and believe.
In summary, focus on a person’s character. Their actions will speak louder than words. If a person is consistent from the beginning and he demonstrates good character from the start, then you just may have a person worthy of investment.