Standards: Why Are These Important?
When it comes to meeting someone in your quest for love, it’s important to have standards. Having standards will help in establishing the foundation of a relationship, paramount in any quest for love. So many people take advantage of others. In kind, so many people fall for tricks both men and women use on each other. Men take advantage of women and women take advantage of men. How does this happen? It happens because standards are lowered and compromised.
Dating, and especially online dating, is an exercise in humanity. We learn who people truly are, and quickly in the process. Why is this so (in comparison to traditional dating – meeting someone out and about or through friends)? Primarily because online dating relays the impression that people are disposable (e.g., “Well, if Sally doesn’t work out, I can always go back to the well.”) A sad reality that is a vicious cycle leading to dating burnout and discontent. So, it is important to keep humanity in perspective while dating online. Treat others as you’d like to be treated. This starts with implementing your own standards.
The Single Girl has a list of fundamental standards that she holds true to herself. These standards are common sense and may resonate with many of you. The top 3 standards the Single Girl applies to her own dating life are as follows:
Be Treated with Respect.
If a person doesn’t treat you respectfully, do not afford them your time (no matter how much you’re enamored with them). Granted, it is crucial to respect yourself to fully understand this point. How can you demand respect if you have none for yourself? Start with yourself. Believe you deserve respect, because you do. This is a fundamental standard and so very important. Respecting yourself, and requiring the same of others, is an uncompromising standard. One should never waiver on this standard. Once this standard is compromised, there truly is no going back. So, stick to your guns on this standard!
Kindness is Key.
If you’re kind to someone, this does not guarantee they’ll return the kindness. If you’re dating a person, who after a month or so, starts exhibiting unkind behavior, do not assume such behavior is your problem or your fault. Rather, it is best to address unkind behavior as soon as it happens.
For example, Single Girl recently ended a relationship with a person she became quickly enamored (although he wasn’t her typical type). After about a month of this man being “over the moon” nice and attentive to Single Girl, his true personality started to appear. He began texting mean and biting comments about Single Girl’s political choices, chastising her for wanting to learn different languages and traveling abroad, or criticizing her adventurous spirit. These biting comments were most certainly a red flag to which she promptly addressed with him. He admitted it was mean and he backed off. Soon after, he continued with the biting comments (escalating to yelling at her for innocuous reasons) coupled with withdrawing his interest and affection. When Single Girl addressed the behavior again, he accused her as being the problem. He said that she was “the smartest woman” he knew, and her intelligence was intimidating making him feel belittled (although he could not give her an example of what she had said to make him feel this way). This kind of behavior is called “gaslighting” and Single Girl quickly became alarmed. At about 5 months into the relationship, he wanted to throw in the towel and quite frankly, Single Girl saw this person as a bad investment of time with zero return. She acquiesced and moved on.
If you’re with someone who is not kind to you, it truly will behoove you to immediately address this unkind behavior. Should improvement not occur, walk away from that person as no one deserves to be treated with anything less but the utmost kindness. Keep in mind, kindness goes together with respect and everyone of us are deserving of both. While anyone could have a bad day and can voice their feelings on that bad day, such voicing should not be directed at you with a harmful intent. Know the difference and make your own judgment call that fits within the standards you have set for yourself.
Know your Boundaries
You must first know your boundaries before you can set standards. Boundaries are your requirements needed to continue in any relationship, whether platonic or intimate. For example, if you have just started dating someone and as your first date ends, he asks you back to his place. Well, you could go back to his place (certainly if you trust him enough); however, will doing so breach your boundaries? Boundaries are your comfort area. Go beyond these boundaries, and you can quickly find yourself in an awkward place.
In the noted example, when the great date is over, your date asks you to come home with him. What is he doing? Well, he is testing your boundaries. When men test your boundaries, they are testing your value level. Is she high value or low value? Going home with him that night, and certainly being intimate with him, may certainly give him the impression you are low value. If you’re seeking a long-term relationship with a “high quality” man, then you’re better off showing high value from the very beginning. A high value woman will only entertain a long-term relationship with a high quality man. Nothing less will do. Setting such boundaries sets the direction of the relationship path that you’re willing to follow. A good man seeing a woman enforcing her boundaries see her as a high value woman. If he stops his pursuit once these boundaries are seen by him, know he was a low-quality man not worth your time.
In summary, establish your standards and stick with them. You are worth every bit of love, kindness, respect that a person can give you. Remember to present yourself as high value and take the time to get to know someone. True love, agape love, cannot be rushed. Rather, such love (which is the most rewarding) is developed over time. Having standards established and being willing to enforce them will only ensure you receive the love you absolutely deserve.